Have you ever felt like you cried out all your tears? I’m talking “ugly girl cry.”
Just me? Well, then let me just unpack the last couple months (January especially), and you can just listen and nod politely. Who knows? Maybe you will be there someday.
Let me start by saying January was the most unproductive, (un)creative, and altogether inactive month. That is strictly from a blog/work/social media standpoint. Do you remember when I shared about what an amazing New Year’s we had and my excitement for our goals and dreams we declared for the year? Was anyone confused that I just seemed to not exist after that? Well, I’ve missed you. . . . and I’ve felt bad. . . . and I’ve wanted to create excuses. . . . and I’ve felt bad. . . . and life has been crazy. . . . and I’ve felt bad. (Did anyone else think about that scene in You’ve Got Mail when Tom Hanks tries to convey to Meg why he didn’t show for their first meeting together? Well, it felt like I was typing the excuse letter just like he did before he conveyed his sincerest apologies.) You know what’s next—
In all sincerity, I have felt bad about not posting on the blog or social media much the past couple months. I tried to analyze my feelings without justifying my actions. The more I felt the NEED to post, the further I felt from DOING it. I questioned it, slightly, and quickly brushed it off. I would deal later, I thought. Then, my husband asked about the blog. I felt guilty, but again, brushed it off.
Did I not want to deal with it? Was I not ready to deal with it? Was I a quitter? I wasn’t sure at the time. The only thing I really knew was that I was falling further and further from the, somewhat, perfect goals I had set.”
What was even more troubling? How “okay” I was with it. The strange part? I learned more from my inactivity than I ever presumed. I’ll explain.
Let’s unpack: The goals. The guilt. The gall. The goodness.
I originally wanted to start this post with the quote I’ve seen circulating social media, “Decided my 2016 starts again on
February March 1st. This was a trial month.” (The quote says February. Clearly I am one MORE month behind.) Still, so good right? Anyone else at that place? Or were you at that place last month?
Here’s the problem. My January was less of a trial period and more of a tumultuous start to the year. Not. What. I. Pictured. As the guilt washed over me about my irrelevance, I determined that this month did not have to dictate my year. But maybe I was too quick to make that judgment. Like I said before, I learned a lot. Before I just tell you what I learned, let me share a bit of what happened.
I hate to leave you with such a cliffhanger, but I’ve taken up far too much time already. Or maybe the mystery is part of the reason you keep coming back. Either way, trust I am back. I’m not going anywhere, and I promise to divulge so much more on our next date. What do you say? Same time? Tomorrow? I’ll be there.
Oh, the places you’ll go. Part 2. Coming tomorrow!!!